Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality

Almost a month ago I was emailed by a gentleman struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. He had seen my blog and decided to email me some questions he had regarding homosexuality. After exchanging many emails between one another the gentleman offered to allow me to use our conversation in future posts to aid others who had similar questions as he did. This offer is what led me to the idea for a post: Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality. 

What I have decided on is that I will try answer one question per post. This way I can ensure not to omit any information regarding the question at hand- also it will allow me to include more external references without overloading you with information. I would also like to take this time to invite you to submit any questions you have regarding homosexuality. It is also important that I notify all readers that these answers will be of personal perspective and from personal experience. It therefore cannot necessarily be deemed correct but I can promise to share as much insight on the topic being discussed.


So I've decided to start with a question that most gay people start their journeys with. First let me define homosexuality. Homosexuality is sexual attraction to persons of the same sex. Although the definition seems rather simple- knowing whether you are homosexual can be a complicating situation. I express my finding of my sexuality as this: I always knew I was attracted to other men, it is something I can remember from around the ages of 10/11, but I could only label or define it as homosexuality at a later stage of my life. 

You may be reading that and thinking "but how did you know?" I think some people can tell from earlier stages than others whether they are gay, but sometimes we have an issue acknowledging/interpreting this information. It starts with attraction. As a child I could always appreciate the attractiveness of other guys more than with girls. Personally at the time I thought nothing of it- but I knew that there was some attraction present. Through out my adolescence I found myself watching pornographic videos as many other teenagers do. (You will have to excuse my vulgarity) I noticed that I was more sexually drawn to the males anatomy than the females. In actual fact, the comparison was so out of proportion that I could just watch the man. It was then that I began watching gay pornography. Note: I am not suggesting everyone download pornographic videos- I am simply stating my personal experience. 

I would say there is a possibility you are homosexual if you do in fact experience attraction to members of the same sex. The thing about sexuality is that it boils down to preference - tests cannot be conducted to determine your sexuality, it is something you should to determine on your own. If you do believe there is a possibility you are homosexual then it is important you do not allow external factors affect you. Regardless whether it is legal or socially accepted your sexuality is something you cannot change. Do not dismiss your emotions of same-sex attraction simply because you are afraid to associate with being gay. (Note: I am not saying come out- one can identify as gay without having to notify anyone).

It doesn't necessarily mean you are gay because you have feelings for friends of the same sex or because you have had a gay dream- I feel these aren't effective enough indicators. I believe a good indicator is whether you fantasize about members of the same sex. (For example- during masturbation). Men who fantasize about other men during masturbation are more likely to be homosexual than heterosexual. This could be because fantasizing can be directly traced to our desires.   

Another observation I have made is that many people whom experience attraction for members of the same sex usually fear the association with being labeled gay. (Basically they are aware of their attraction but are too conflicted to identify as homosexual)  I actually have addressed this issue in another post "Labels" Are Not My Name . If you find yourself in a similar situation it is important you understand that identifying as gay shouldn't mean you have to live up to a stereotype, also your attraction to members of the same sex isn't ever likely to disappear. Focus on learning to accept your true sexuality rather than trying to dismiss it.   

Final Thought:
"How do I know if I am homosexual?" is a difficult question to answer. I believe the only answer to this question lies within yourself. Do not ask yourself "Do I WANT to be homosexual?", rather approach it more open-minded "Am I sexually attracted to members of the same sex?". When you ask yourself this question think only of the answer. There is no rush to define your sexuality, to identify as gay or straight, so take your time. Remember attraction to members of the same sex is not something you can dismiss or forget about (your sexuality will never leave you).

For more information visit this wiki site (specifically their Tips and Warnings). This might further help you answer your question.

If you have any questions or issues regarding your sexuality email me @ gregodemi@gmail.com.


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