2013

Every year brings new dimensions that enable us to see things within a kinder light, and with more perceptiveness. New Years are a gateway to what the future holds and to greater understanding as the story unfolds. With 2013 ahead- I've decided to take a hiatus from The Righteous Gay and my blogging in hopes that I may reconnect on a greater level with my story as it unfolds.

Looking back on 2012, I am left smiling in awe. Having come out on the 1st day of 2012, the entire year was a journey for myself and I was capable of sharing some of these experiences with you and all the viewers. When I came out, I never expected to start blogging and in turn help so many people. Blogging has been such a gratifying and self-therapeutic experience, and I have come to learn a lot about the gay community as well as about myself. I've come to find that even though the community has its many down-sides, it also has its many up-sides and that it's inevitably what you make of it. (A change in your perspective could be the difference between an ending and a new beginning.)

What I've learned about myself is that I can make a difference, as can you. You and I were both born into this world, and some day we will both leave it. How we fill our time here on earth may differ, but neither of us is more worthy of living than the other. The Righteous Gay became my platform/ my persona that ultimately helped me become more comfortable with my sexuality and allowed me to explore my dreams and hopes for the future, so it is with a heavy heart that I type this post, for it will be last for some time. But before I do take this break- I wanted to leave you all with this final message: 

Being gay is not the end of the world. It's not. You don't have to fit a stereotype if it's untrue to your being but you needn't feel ashamed if you do. Your sexuality, just as your color, creed and age doesn't make you a lesser human and it should never define you. (All these things will never detract from who you are as a person unless you let them.) Remember to never use your sexuality as an excuse or as a crutch and to never become a victim of others' misconceptions. Your sexuality should be a form of empowerment. But most importantly, remember it's not that serious. So you like someone of the same sex? So does every 1 in 10 people.  

 

Final Thought:
It may not seem thought provoking or inspirational- but my message is simple. It's clear. My greatest hope is that I may return to blogging at a later stage with a greater understanding, but before I get there- I must experience more. I wish you all the best as your story unfolds and thank you all for your kind words, support and love.

Sincerely
Gregory, The Righteous Gay
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Homosexuality Unnatural?

So I've decided to address the "Homosexuality Is Unnatural" fallacy, yes- fallacy, in today's post. To support my argument, I am going to share with you a few stories and studies that help prove that homosexuality is in fact natural, and that no one should ever feel ashamed or unnatural for being true to their own being.

Usually, opponents would argue that homosexuality cannot be natural because only humans display homosexual "tendencies" and because homosexual couples cannot bear children. In fact, many homosexual people themselves find it even more difficult to accept their sexuality because they are influenced by this societal misconception- so today I want to set the record straight: HOMOSEXUALITY IS NATURAL.

Animals: It has been noted that close to 1500 species of animals display homosexual behavior. This behavior has been recorded in all types of animals, ranging from dolphins to worms. Within certain species this behavior can be temporary, whilst others practice same-sex behavior throughout their whole lives, such as dwarf chimpanzee. Male lions often partake in homosexual sex to strengthen the bond within their pride. Within a colony of Black-Headed Gulls, an estimated one-tenth of all pairs are lesbian. A study of the Bonobo, an African ape, suggests that 75% of sex is non-reproductive (between two same sexed apes). And the list goes on; Giraffes, Elephants, Spotted hyenas, Bottlenose dolphins, Black swans, Flamingos, American Bison, Dragonflies and many more!

Two Male Giraffes in Kenya

Black Swans

In some species, specifically within the bird kingdom, pairing between two males or females have been well documented. Homosexual behavior in penguins have been observed as early as 1911, the findings, which were considered too shocking for release at the time, were only released a century later and only published recently in June 2012.  In 2004 the New York Times reported a story of two Chinstrap Penguins, Roy and Silo, in New York's Central Park Zoo that hatched and raised a chick named Tango. Staff noted that the pair performed mating rituals as far back as in 1998, and after an attempt to hatch a rock in 1999, it was decided that they would allow Roy and Silo the opportunity to hatch an unsuccessfully looked after egg from another pair. In 1998 two male Griffon Vultures, named Dashik and Yehuda, built a nest together and took turns incubating an artificial egg, after 45 days, the zoo replaced the egg with a baby vulture which the two father vultures raised successfully in the Jerusalem Biblical Zoo in Israel.  

A Kid's book created about Roy and Silo

Whilst it's evident that gay couples, whether human or not, are perfectly capable of raising young, many still claim that our inability to produce offspring makes us unnatural. However there are many heterosexual couples with similar circumstances. Infertility. Infertility, also known as sterility, is the state of being unable to produce offspring (in woman it is the inability to conceive, and men the inability to impregnate). According to the Oxford Journals, 72.4 million woman are infertile. This means that there are thousands of heterosexual couples that are unable to have children due to infertility issues. This would then classify these heterosexual couples as unnatural too- which would then dismiss the theory of ONLY homosexual's being unnatural. Despite the couples who are infertile- there are also many heterosexual couples who never have children -by choice. Whether it be a conscious decision or an impairment- it is evident that not bearing children cannot be a valid indicator of whether something is natural or not. Regardless whether you are infertile, straight or gay- there are various methods that allow people the opportunity to raise children anyways, these methods include adoption and surrogacy.

Final Thought:
Having researched all the above information it became apparent to me that we as humans take sexuality far too serious. We are so quick to divide ourselves, and categorize one another- that we tend to look beyond the basics. Homosexuality is natural, just as bisexuality and heterosexuality is. Within these many animal species- there is no taxonomy. They are not excluded from the herd or picked on by other animals when they display homosexual behavior- and one of the reasons for this is because within their species homosexual behavior is not seen as a weakness, nor as an unfavorable trait/characteristic... It's just natural. And that's an important derivation that we ALL can make just by looking at nature, that being true to oneself is NEVER unnatural!

Check out this weeks Video of the Week here about this posts topic:

     

Oscar Pistorius: The Golden Boy

80 000 cheers makes it impossible to deny that Oscar Pistorius, the South African blade runner, has grown to become a household name and a Paralympic ambassador - but is he more than just an advocate for the handicapped?

With the recent Paralympic Games being held in London - I have been captivated by all these inspiring athletes and their incredible stories, but none more so than Oscar Pistorius. Oscar Pistorius was born November 22, 1986 without a fibula in each of his legs. It was decided that Oscar's legs would be amputated below the knees before he learnt to walk- as this would allow greater receptivity in mobility later on in life, and evidently prove to be his strength rather than his weakness. Oscar initially played rugby, water polo and tennis in Pretoria Boys High School (the highschool I too attended), and it was only after a rugby injury that Oscar began running, for rehabilitation. The rest is, as they say, history... Currently Oscar holds the world record for the T44 400m, and also the T44 4x100m along with his fellow team mates. Oscar is also the ONLY double leg amputee EVER to compete on the Olympic track and make the Olympic final.

So how does this incredible athlete relate to being gay?

After watching the Paralympic games one evening I realized that being handicapped can be likened to being homosexual in many ways. (KEEP READING!) Not only are both handicapped people and homosexuals treated as second hand citizens, but we both have an internal obstacle to overcome. Just as Oscar, and many other disabled athletes had to overcome their impairments, we as homosexuals have to overcome our internalized fear of being who we are. In no way am I trivializing being either handicapped or homosexual - I am just comparing the struggles we both endure, just as our struggles have been compared to many other civil rights movements. This leads me to the relevance of Oscar Pistorius and his story on a blog intending to help gay youth come to terms with their sexuality. Oscar was born without a fibula in each leg and yet it hasn't prevented him from running, let alone walking. Being a double leg amputee, it would go without saying that Oscar has had a great amount of obstacles to overcome, not only physically but mentally too. Yet, here he stands, a handicapped athlete, challenging able bodied athletes at the sport.

Oscar at 2012 Olympic Games

So we're born gay, just as Oscar was born without fibulae, and here we stand confronted with this huge life obstacle we call sexuality, which in many ways scares us just as much as a physical defect. What do we do? We do what Oscar Pistorius has done, we make our weakness our strength. Oscar may be an advocate for The Paralympics, but he represents something far greater! Oscar represents the outcome of dedication, appreciation and passion, all things we as homosexuals need to adopt. Dedicate yourself to making your environment an LGBT friendlier one. Appreciate who you are, and this life you've been given- do so by making the most of every moment. Lastly, what ever you do- do so with passion. Passion is what drives you to obtain the unobtainable and achieve the impossible. Passion will guide you to what you heart desires.



Final Thought:
Regardless whether you agree that homosexuality and being handicapped are similar or not, you cannot deny that Oscar Pistorius has made the most of what he has. You are in no way different to Oscar, and there is nothing you cannot achieve. Oscar looked beyond the ability to walk- just as you should look beyond the obstacle of coming out. Dream big. Dream of an accepting world, living with the person you love and being authentic to yourself. If you can dream it, it's yours for the taking!

Oscar will be running his final race this evening in The London Paralympic games. I wish him all the best in the 400m race. He has definitely reshaped the way I see handicapped people, as well as myself!  

I'd like to show people that if you put the hard work in and you believe in yourself, then you can do whatever you want to. - OSCAR PISTORIUS

This is for you

Recently there has been letters from fathers to their sons that have been making their rounds on the Twittersphere and other social networking sites. The initial letter that sparked all of this was a letter James (a gay individual) received from his father, in which his father expressed that he had decided to disown James as a son (and as a result disassociate himself from James). This letter sparked 2 other letters, one from a heterosexual father to his hypothetically gay son and the other from a gay father to his two adoptive sons. It should be rather indicative that a letter would be appropriate for today's post. So here goes:

To All My Viewers

The recent letters that fathers have written to their sons has inspired me to leave a message to you to show my admiration for you in a more personal capacity. Coming to terms with your sexuality is a difficult process, and seldom are you ever congratulated for the courage, patience and perseverance you put in. Well this is my congratulations to you.

I realize life may seem tough at the moment. Looking around there's constant battles. Battles regarding the position homosexuals occupy in modern day society, whether it's marriage equality, adoption rights or even decriminalizing homosexuality. Living in a conservative community myself, I know that being authentic to oneself is much easier said than done, but isn't impossible. Personally, I have contemplated thoughts of suicide, running away and leaving everything I have behind. At that time, anything seemed better than confronting my sexuality and the attraction to members of the same sex. I had spent countless nights crying myself to sleep as thoughts of inadequacy filled my head; never getting to fulfill the role I believed I was meant to fulfill. Then came my shame. My shame in feeling the emotions I felt. I tried to suppress the thoughts and to dismiss the truth- but it all caught up with me eventually.

In pursuing this journey you may find yourself back at the starting line in many aspects of your life, but you'll find yourself at the beginning with other people just as yourself. These are the people who have cried at night with you- who felt just as alone as you did- who were ready to leave, yet here you stand, united. It's all trial and error, and you needn't feel ashamed of the mistakes you've made. Never think you're worthless or inadequate, regardless of what other peoples opinions are. I promise you a day will come, where you will look back and be thankful for the choice you made. The hurt and anger you feel now will dissipate as you begin to live your life the way your heart intended to live it. 

Finally, I want you to know that you are never alone. There's one person you can always rely on, and that person is you. As cliche` as it may sound, Mariah Carey says it best, "So when you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong, and you'll finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you." It's important you always remember that- THAT A HERO LIES IN YOU.

I wish you all the best on your journeys

Yours  sincerely- Greg 

Final Thought:
The letter may seem irrelevant to many of you yet to some it might speak great volumes. My intention was to let you know that all these emotions you might be experiencing are not irregular. Regardless your age, gender, race and religion- coming out is an emotional experience. So if you too sit up at night and cry till your tear ducts can't anymore, if you constantly thinking about how inadequate you think you are , even if you read this letter and wished you weren't gay- this is for you... No one said it would be easy- they said it'd be worth it. AND IT WILL BE!



If you have any personal questions or you need someone to talk to- do not hesitate to email me (gregodemi@gmail.com). I keep my emails separate from the blog, private.  
 

Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality

Almost a month ago I was emailed by a gentleman struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. He had seen my blog and decided to email me some questions he had regarding homosexuality. After exchanging many emails between one another the gentleman offered to allow me to use our conversation in future posts to aid others who had similar questions as he did. This offer is what led me to the idea for a post: Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality. 

What I have decided on is that I will try answer one question per post. This way I can ensure not to omit any information regarding the question at hand- also it will allow me to include more external references without overloading you with information. I would also like to take this time to invite you to submit any questions you have regarding homosexuality. It is also important that I notify all readers that these answers will be of personal perspective and from personal experience. It therefore cannot necessarily be deemed correct but I can promise to share as much insight on the topic being discussed.

"HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM HOMOSEXUAL?"

So I've decided to start with a question that most gay people start their journeys with. First let me define homosexuality. Homosexuality is sexual attraction to persons of the same sex. Although the definition seems rather simple- knowing whether you are homosexual can be a complicating situation. I express my finding of my sexuality as this: I always knew I was attracted to other men, it is something I can remember from around the ages of 10/11, but I could only label or define it as homosexuality at a later stage of my life. 

You may be reading that and thinking "but how did you know?" I think some people can tell from earlier stages than others whether they are gay, but sometimes we have an issue acknowledging/interpreting this information. It starts with attraction. As a child I could always appreciate the attractiveness of other guys more than with girls. Personally at the time I thought nothing of it- but I knew that there was some attraction present. Through out my adolescence I found myself watching pornographic videos as many other teenagers do. (You will have to excuse my vulgarity) I noticed that I was more sexually drawn to the males anatomy than the females. In actual fact, the comparison was so out of proportion that I could just watch the man. It was then that I began watching gay pornography. Note: I am not suggesting everyone download pornographic videos- I am simply stating my personal experience. 

I would say there is a possibility you are homosexual if you do in fact experience attraction to members of the same sex. The thing about sexuality is that it boils down to preference - tests cannot be conducted to determine your sexuality, it is something you should to determine on your own. If you do believe there is a possibility you are homosexual then it is important you do not allow external factors affect you. Regardless whether it is legal or socially accepted your sexuality is something you cannot change. Do not dismiss your emotions of same-sex attraction simply because you are afraid to associate with being gay. (Note: I am not saying come out- one can identify as gay without having to notify anyone).

It doesn't necessarily mean you are gay because you have feelings for friends of the same sex or because you have had a gay dream- I feel these aren't effective enough indicators. I believe a good indicator is whether you fantasize about members of the same sex. (For example- during masturbation). Men who fantasize about other men during masturbation are more likely to be homosexual than heterosexual. This could be because fantasizing can be directly traced to our desires.   

Another observation I have made is that many people whom experience attraction for members of the same sex usually fear the association with being labeled gay. (Basically they are aware of their attraction but are too conflicted to identify as homosexual)  I actually have addressed this issue in another post "Labels" Are Not My Name . If you find yourself in a similar situation it is important you understand that identifying as gay shouldn't mean you have to live up to a stereotype, also your attraction to members of the same sex isn't ever likely to disappear. Focus on learning to accept your true sexuality rather than trying to dismiss it.   

Final Thought:

"How do I know if I am homosexual?" is a difficult question to answer. I believe the only answer to this question lies within yourself. Do not ask yourself "Do I WANT to be homosexual?", rather approach it more open-minded "Am I sexually attracted to members of the same sex?". When you ask yourself this question think only of the answer. There is no rush to define your sexuality, to identify as gay or straight, so take your time. Remember attraction to members of the same sex is not something you can dismiss or forget about (your sexuality will never leave you).

For more information visit this wiki site (specifically their Tips and Warnings). This might further help you answer your question.

If you have any questions or issues regarding your sexuality email me @ gregodemi@gmail.com.

         

"Labels" are not my name

The famous gay persona group the Village People;  disco novelties

 It was brought to my attention the other day that many closeted youth fear the social stigma in being associated as a homosexual. I often hear friends expressing their fear with being classified as a "poff" or a "fairy"- so I would like to set the record straight for all closeted youth out there.

Often homosexuality is affiliated with effeminate behavior in men and masculine behavior in woman. This is more a generalization than a fact. With the short amount of time that I have been exposed to the gay community I would actually say that- gay men are now associated more with perfect bodies and over emasculating behavior than anything else. Once again- I have made an assumption based on my experiences, it is not to say this is completely true. Regardless whether these stereotypes are authentic or valid- their importance to you should be null and void.

In todays society people are over-conscious with the image they portray. We are constantly in this struggle to fit in. It first occurs when we can not identify with our straight friends' attraction to the opposite sex, furthermore, as a teenager when our bodies change shape and take form. Then- as you come out, there is this undeniable pressure to associate yourself with certain labels. Labels which categorize you- based on your physical appearance and behavior. Therefore, once again, a need to fit in.

This all leads me to my main message. Being gay does not mean you have to enjoy dancing, wear make-up and listen to Lady Gaga. But if that is what you enjoy doing- don't let me, or anyone else, stop you from doing that. It is vital that you know- when you do come out it does not mean you have to live up to a label or a stereotype. Don't fear being gay because you dislike the stereotype associated with it- rather break that stereotype. On the same note, if you enjoy living up to the stereotype- there is nothing wrong with that! You can just be YOU!
 

Found this venn diagram funny

Final Thought:
"Fairy. Queen. Muscular. Fem. Camp. Masculine." Why change yourself for other people? We essentially come out the closet to live a more open and genuine life- not to change who we are. It is our differences that make us unique- not our similarities. Regardless whether you live up to the stereotype or not- you should not fear a life of honesty. Being gay will not change who you are. There is no need to label yourself or associate yourself with anything... Don't let the stereotype scare you back into the closet- it's darker back there anyways! 

Image Source: Google
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