2013

Every year brings new dimensions that enable us to see things within a kinder light, and with more perceptiveness. New Years are a gateway to what the future holds and to greater understanding as the story unfolds. With 2013 ahead- I've decided to take a hiatus from The Righteous Gay and my blogging in hopes that I may reconnect on a greater level with my story as it unfolds.

Looking back on 2012, I am left smiling in awe. Having come out on the 1st day of 2012, the entire year was a journey for myself and I was capable of sharing some of these experiences with you and all the viewers. When I came out, I never expected to start blogging and in turn help so many people. Blogging has been such a gratifying and self-therapeutic experience, and I have come to learn a lot about the gay community as well as about myself. I've come to find that even though the community has its many down-sides, it also has its many up-sides and that it's inevitably what you make of it. (A change in your perspective could be the difference between an ending and a new beginning.)

What I've learned about myself is that I can make a difference, as can you. You and I were both born into this world, and some day we will both leave it. How we fill our time here on earth may differ, but neither of us is more worthy of living than the other. The Righteous Gay became my platform/ my persona that ultimately helped me become more comfortable with my sexuality and allowed me to explore my dreams and hopes for the future, so it is with a heavy heart that I type this post, for it will be last for some time. But before I do take this break- I wanted to leave you all with this final message: 

Being gay is not the end of the world. It's not. You don't have to fit a stereotype if it's untrue to your being but you needn't feel ashamed if you do. Your sexuality, just as your color, creed and age doesn't make you a lesser human and it should never define you. (All these things will never detract from who you are as a person unless you let them.) Remember to never use your sexuality as an excuse or as a crutch and to never become a victim of others' misconceptions. Your sexuality should be a form of empowerment. But most importantly, remember it's not that serious. So you like someone of the same sex? So does every 1 in 10 people.  

 

Final Thought:
It may not seem thought provoking or inspirational- but my message is simple. It's clear. My greatest hope is that I may return to blogging at a later stage with a greater understanding, but before I get there- I must experience more. I wish you all the best as your story unfolds and thank you all for your kind words, support and love.

Sincerely
Gregory, The Righteous Gay
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Support Systems: Our Cornerstone

I once read that we are all the product of the love we receive. Such a profound statement.

Having come out on the 1st of January, I have constantly found myself comparing this year to the last, and without a doubt this has been the happiest I've ever been in my life. But what has changed? Apart from having the people in my life know that I am gay, my year has been relatively similar to the last. Earlier this year I found myself sifting through friends (as horrible as it may sound) deciding which I felt belonged, and I wanted, in my life. The process was long overdue. Having gone through high school I became so inclined to labeling acquaintances as friends, and mistook them as friendships which was ultimately more detrimental for myself. Luckily, I had come to realize this sooner than later, and slowly I have begun to decipher which friends are truly my FRIENDS.  

Through out this year I have been fortunate enough to meet gays from all walks of life. I have heard them tell their stories and I have listened, processed and begun to understand what makes the gay community so unique; our support systems. Just as each and everyone one of us is unique, so is our form of support. I like to refer to our support systems as our Cornerstone. For those of you that do not know; a Cornerstone is an important feature/quality on which a particular thing depends or is based. In this instance, you are the "particular thing" and your support system are those "important feature's" on which you depend.

This is a Cornerstone

I've come to realize that not everyone has been as fortunate as I, and nor will many people be as lucky. My family responded to my sexuality as any family SHOULD- with love and support, but not everyone's story is as sweet. I cannot sugar coat a story of a gay man loosing the love and support of his family- because there is nothing sweet about it- but I can tell you that there are other people who've made it against far greater odds. This is what brings me to today's post.

I've constantly spoke of how vital it is to remain positive throughout your darkest moments because there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there is a future for you. Sometimes all we need is someone to remind us about that light, someone to comfort us- someone to be our Cornerstone. That someone can be anyone. It can be a nurturing mother, a caring friend, an insightful teacher or even a helpful stranger. We build our own support systems to cater to our loads. We essentially have the ability to create a system strong enough to withstand the greatest loads, all we have to do is look in the right places. Many find support in their family and friends, but some are forced to find other means of support when their initial cornerstones no longer deem fit.

That's where the gay community comes in. Many are quick to dismiss the acceptance of the gay community, but seldom are we exposed to the supportive side that the gay community does have to offer. As body conscious and shallow as some gay men may be, there is one thing that unites the whole community and that is the struggle (whether internal or external) that we all endure. Through my interaction with other gays I have been welcomed with open arms, and I have been supported. I have come to realize that we as a community are the best suited to play one another's support because we have all endured similar conflicts. We are better adapted to be one another's Cornerstone. It is this exact reason that I suggest everyone reading this post reaches out as opposed to waits for help. Sometimes the strongest form of support is not one that shifts the load, but shares it.

 Final Thought:
Your support system are the people who help you realize that you're perfect the way you are, and you deserve to be loved. Not everyone is fortunate to still have their family on their side, but one thing I can promise is that you will find just as much love and support by the friends you make on your journey. Remember: "The difference between a helping hand and an outstretched palm is a twist of the wrist."- Laurence Leamer.

If any of you want help/advice or even someone to talk to- email me: gregodemi@gmail.com



"I wondered why somebody didn't do something.  Then I realized, I am somebody."  ~Author Unknown


I'd also like to take this opportunity to congratulate the people of America on Barack Obama's reinstatement  and for the same-sex marriage results in Maine, Minnesota and Maine- one more step to true equality!

Spirit Day: Looking Back & My Regret

In light of tomorrow being Spirit Day- I thought I'd take the opportunity to create a post for all the youth out there. The title of this post may seem misleading but should you keep reading it will all be put into perspective for you. 

Firstly, what is Spirit Day ? Spirit Day is day when people wear purple in support of LGBT youth who are victims of bullying, the day takes place annually on October 19th. Started in 2010 by a Canadian student- Brittany McMillan, Spirit Day has since become known internationally thanks to social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. The name of this day originates from the purple stripe of the Rainbow Flag (also known as the Gay Flag) which is said to represent "spirit" according to the creator of the flag- Gilbert Baker.

On a day such as Spirit Day- it is likely that one would share their stories of how they overcame bullying, and how it has made them a stronger person. Unfortunately, I am incapable of doing so. The reason I say "unfortunately" is because I was on the opposite end of the spectrum. Having attended an all boys school- I learned to reassert my "straightness" by verbally degrading homosexuals and what it meant to be gay. I would be lying if I told you that no one was offended or harmed by my immaturity and insensitivity, and for this- I carry a great amount of shame and regret. My actions were a result of my internalized fear of being who I am and although this does not justify my actions, it is what has led me to this weeks message:

Only the weak result to bullying, but the STRONG overcome it...

Should you find yourself the victim of bullying now or anytime in the future I want you to remember one thing: You're not alone. Despite their being millions of other victims who now stand taller and prouder than ever, there are also people (such as myself) that have come to realize that we were wrong- and that most of our actions were consequence of some internal obstacles we had yet to overcome (whether it was issues at home or within ourselves). More importantly- I want you to know that some of the world's most influential figures withstood hate and bullying too, and they're no different from you. 

On Spirit Day I will be wearing a purple ribbon in support of all the victims out there and hopefully I will be creating awareness. My greatest hope is that I get to bump into one of MY victims, someone who had endured MY hate, and for me to be allowed the opportunity to ask for forgiveness and show MY SUPPORT. And I am not alone, apart from the numerous celebrities that will be wearing purple, there are also various organizations such as The Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation , You Can Play Project ,  It Gets Better , "I Choose" Anti-Bullying Campaign and The Born This Way Foundation that will be out in full force combating bullying. Why don't you join us and show your support?!

Colin Farrell Stands Up AGAINST Bullying

For the first time ever, I will not be putting a Final Thought to my post, the reason being because I have yet to make my mind up. I will however be leaving a comment at a later stage- telling you how my day went and what the day meant to me. I wish you all a bully-free, happy Spirit Day and leave you with this video by Todrick Hall called It Gets Better. Check it out:

5 Steps To Coming Out

Now I know this post is probably going to turn heads simply because everyone's experiences are not exactly one in the same. Therefore I will put this disclaimer above:

Disclaimer: These steps, below mentioned, are of personal opinion. (I speak from personal experience- therefore it is advisable you take into consideration your own situation before applying these steps to your own.)

I have always maintained that coming out is an extremely personal experience, and no one should be forced to do so prior to the time they feel necessary. The issue should be addressed whenever YOU feel it need be. Having mentioned all the above, I have thought up 5 steps to help guide all those still closeted. It's important to bare in mind that these steps could take up anything from one month to 5 years...Ultimately you set the pace- and it should be one you're comfortable with.

STEP 1: SELF ACCEPTANCE
I've said it before in My Coming Out Story : accepting yourself for who you are is pivotal. One needs to feel comfortable within their own skin before they can approach a situation like this. I believe what one should do is strip down what it means to be gay, layer by layer. Redefine the term "homosexual". Everyone is a victim to societal pressure- which has ultimately resulted in us having a preconceived idea of what it means to be homosexual. Throw that image away and reconstruct one from research and personal experience. To do so one can visit sites/blogs that display different sides of homosexuals that one is not exposed to on a regular basis. View the dynamics of a gay family on Gay Family Values or watch how openly gay athletes embrace their sexuality on the FEARLESS Project. Alternatively, one could speak to openly gay people about their experiences, exposure to successful homosexuals will allow you to realize your potential is never affected by your sexuality. Essentially you should become more comfortable with the term 'homosexual' and be able to associate/identify with it, without feeling ashamed or saddened.

STEP 2: RESEARCH/EDUCATE YOURSELF
This step goes hand in hand with the first. As you begin to come to terms with your sexuality it is vital you educate yourself for your own benefit as well as others'. This step is of importance because once you have come out, friends and family will turn to you with questions regarding this new information. Prepare yourself in advance by learning about homosexuality and it's relevance in your community. What does one educate themselves about? About the fundamental issues that relate to being gay, these include:

• Your Rights. (Is it legal to identify as gay within your country/community, Can you marry, What are your rights within the working place, Are you legally allowed to adopt) All these questions should be contemplated prior to the time. 

•  Health Issues. (Sexually Transmitted Diseases are, unfortunately, synonymous with the gay community- learn about them and prevention techniques/methods as well as possible post exposure treatments- such as P.E.P's. There are also many gay sport clubs within certain communities, as well as sites like Outsports and chat sites such as RealJock- which cater to gay men who show interests in sports and gym).  

•  Benefits. (Contradictory to popular belief there are benefits to being openly gay. These vary from country to country. Competitions such as Mr Gay World are open to only gay contestants, also certain colleges/foundations offer bursaries and scholarships to openly gay students such as The Harvey Milk Scholarship. Apart from this, there are many businesses owned by gays that offer special prices to gay clients as well as support fellow gay owned/ gay-friendly businesses- it's a form of self sustainability) 

• Other Aspects. Any other personal aspects that could be affected should also be researched. Perhaps it may relate to security or lifestyle changes, or even regarding relationships and sex life- which ever it may be, make sure it's not left out!

STEP 3: ASK QUESTIONS
I've placed this step alone to highlight the importance of it. Ask QUESTIONS!! It's always great to speak to people who have had first hand experience, and to ask any possible questions you might have. Fortunately there are search engines which allow you to ask questions in the safety of your own home. Yahoo! Answers is a forum that allows people to post questions anonymously which can then be answered by random yet relevant people. (There are many other similar forums too). Alternatively, one could also email someone, such as myself or other bloggers/social figures, with their questions- these people needn't even be in the same country! By asking questions one can ensure more comfort and enlightenment in coming out, ultimately this an opportunity to reassure yourself about the future and what to expect.

STEP 4: PREPARATIONS
Preparing to come out is a step neglected by many. When considering when to come out, one should consider as many aspects as possible, some of these aspects include:

• When You Will Come Out. The date is of great importance, it is one aspect that could aid you in coming out. Remember: The day should be of slight importance to you and preferably not important to the family/people you are telling (I.e - Not Mom or Dad's birthday or a religious holiday if your family is religious). A neutral day is probably most suitable. NOTE: You MUST feel comfortable with the date, it should be done when you are READY!

• Where You Will Come Out. Another aspect that you can play to your advantage is where you choose to tell your family/friends. By deciding on a place prior to the event, you are ultimately contemplating a place for everyone to digest the information you will be telling them. It's probably best to tell people in a more intimate environment if it's the first time. Remember: Social/Busy environments make it difficult for people to genuinely react, it also makes a situation more stressful, however for some these situations might be significantly better. You decide which is best because you know them best. 

• How You Will Come Out. Probably the most contemplated aspect of Coming Out is How it'll be done. Practice what you will say before hand, to best prepare yourself. Remember: You want to come across sincere yet certain. Ultimately, you want to express that this is not a decision, but simply you pursuing a more authentic life, a life of fulfillment. You also want to reassure your family/friends that your intentions are not to break away, but to allow them a greater understanding of yourself. NOTE: You should expect the worst reactions, but hope for the best. This is a personal issue, do not deviate from the point: You are gay, and you want them to know this because they are of importance to you. It's advisable to let them know that you are here for any possible questions that may arise and that you want to help rather than rebel. Keep it as serious as possible and reassert your sureness, NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR BEING GAY!  

• The Small Details. You want to be as prepared as possible for this day so don't overlook the small things. This is usually an emotional situation, one in-which you want to feel as comfortable as possible, so slip on your most comfortable clothes and favorite pair of shoes. Perhaps you could cook a meal, to reassure your commitment to the family. People are usually more susceptible when you've taken them into consideration, so you're more likely to have them respond positively if you've shown effort. Remember: The atmosphere plays on people's emotions too- make the atmosphere as comfortable as possible for both yourself and the recipients. 

• THE BACKUP PLAN. Now you've prepared for the worst. In the case that your family/friends do not respond well- you want a plan to retire to. This could be a place to stay should your parents want you out the house or it could be a fellow LGBT member who has agreed to help you out. Remember: You have to take into consideration what you parents reaction could be, ESPECIALLY if you're solely dependent on them financially. Your backup plan doesn't necessarily have to be permanent, it just has to be reliable. 

 ***COMING OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND PRESENT:***
As appealing as it may sound, in many instances it backfires. People may suggest that your boyfriend/girlfriend has influenced you into being gay (as pathetic and impossible as that sounds), they also may shift the blame/hate/anger onto him/her. Therefore, I would suggest you rather tell them without having your boyfriend/girlfriend present, this doesn't mean they cannot be around to console, comfort and reassure you at a later stage.

STEP 5: COME OUT
The last step of the process, and usually the toughest. Basically you have prepared to the fullest for this, provided you've followed the above steps and that you are certain this is the right time. Remember: There is only so much you can prepare for the unexpected. Coming Out is a turn out of events, a turn out that cannot be precisely predicted. (Hence why one would prepare for the worst). When those words are uttered, the world doesn't change, life doesn't become eccentric and other gay people don't come running in to kiss you- this is simply because sexuality does not define you, nor does it change the world. You may feel relieved or angry, just bare in mind that the emotions are temporary, and as time passes you will become happier with your decision. This is a personal experience that you are sharing with your loved ones, that does not mean they should prevent you from living your life. NOTE: That does not mean rush into things- that will only result in regret. Take things at your own pace, and remember IT GETS BETTER!!

Lastly, I have a brief summary of things you shouldn't do when coming out:

5 things not to do when coming out:

• NEVER OUT SOMEONE ELSE. Regardless whether you've had the opportunity to come to terms or not, you should never "out" someone else without their consent. Coming Out should be kept personal, so there's no need to mention other closeted gay people. 
• Do not belittle other gays, such as stereotypes, when you've come out. By saying you're not like other gays you are simply distracting/deviating from the issue at hand, and it's counterproductive if it's acceptance you seek. Besides, you may even befriend those exact stereotypes later in life (gay men can be so funny!). So be accepting!
• Don't give GAY a negative connotation! When you've just come out you should rather expose your family/friends to the positive aspects as opposed to the negative aspects. You don't want them to associate GAY with being shameful. I'm not implying you should exclude them from the reality of being homosexual- I'm implying you should rather tell them which doors have opened rather than which have closed (because few have closed and more have opened). 
• Don't expect everyone to accept it from the get-go. It will take time for people to come to terms with this. It has taken time for you to accept this- so allow them time and space to do the same. Also DO NOT give up hope, the most homophobic of people have changed in history. 
• As mentioned above, NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR BEING GAY. This is not a decision, nor is it something to be ashamed or apologetic for, be proud of it!

Final Thought:
Read about others coming out stories, educate yourself and open yourself up to a more accepting society. Remember, if it's acceptance you seek, you have to learn to accept first. Being gay is a small game changer, your on a different team but the fields are the same, and so are the rules. Just remember- this is about you, and you set the pace. Nothing should prevent you from living your life genuinely. Being gay doesn't define who you are- but it definitely makes you a stronger person. Now go out there and live your life the way your heart always intended to!

IF YOU WANT TO READ ABOUT MY COMING OUT STORY AND OTHER EXCITING COMING OUT STORIES CHECK OUT RUCOMINGOUT.COM 

(All links have been provided within the passage)

This is for you

Recently there has been letters from fathers to their sons that have been making their rounds on the Twittersphere and other social networking sites. The initial letter that sparked all of this was a letter James (a gay individual) received from his father, in which his father expressed that he had decided to disown James as a son (and as a result disassociate himself from James). This letter sparked 2 other letters, one from a heterosexual father to his hypothetically gay son and the other from a gay father to his two adoptive sons. It should be rather indicative that a letter would be appropriate for today's post. So here goes:

To All My Viewers

The recent letters that fathers have written to their sons has inspired me to leave a message to you to show my admiration for you in a more personal capacity. Coming to terms with your sexuality is a difficult process, and seldom are you ever congratulated for the courage, patience and perseverance you put in. Well this is my congratulations to you.

I realize life may seem tough at the moment. Looking around there's constant battles. Battles regarding the position homosexuals occupy in modern day society, whether it's marriage equality, adoption rights or even decriminalizing homosexuality. Living in a conservative community myself, I know that being authentic to oneself is much easier said than done, but isn't impossible. Personally, I have contemplated thoughts of suicide, running away and leaving everything I have behind. At that time, anything seemed better than confronting my sexuality and the attraction to members of the same sex. I had spent countless nights crying myself to sleep as thoughts of inadequacy filled my head; never getting to fulfill the role I believed I was meant to fulfill. Then came my shame. My shame in feeling the emotions I felt. I tried to suppress the thoughts and to dismiss the truth- but it all caught up with me eventually.

In pursuing this journey you may find yourself back at the starting line in many aspects of your life, but you'll find yourself at the beginning with other people just as yourself. These are the people who have cried at night with you- who felt just as alone as you did- who were ready to leave, yet here you stand, united. It's all trial and error, and you needn't feel ashamed of the mistakes you've made. Never think you're worthless or inadequate, regardless of what other peoples opinions are. I promise you a day will come, where you will look back and be thankful for the choice you made. The hurt and anger you feel now will dissipate as you begin to live your life the way your heart intended to live it. 

Finally, I want you to know that you are never alone. There's one person you can always rely on, and that person is you. As cliche` as it may sound, Mariah Carey says it best, "So when you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong, and you'll finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you." It's important you always remember that- THAT A HERO LIES IN YOU.

I wish you all the best on your journeys

Yours  sincerely- Greg 

Final Thought:
The letter may seem irrelevant to many of you yet to some it might speak great volumes. My intention was to let you know that all these emotions you might be experiencing are not irregular. Regardless your age, gender, race and religion- coming out is an emotional experience. So if you too sit up at night and cry till your tear ducts can't anymore, if you constantly thinking about how inadequate you think you are , even if you read this letter and wished you weren't gay- this is for you... No one said it would be easy- they said it'd be worth it. AND IT WILL BE!



If you have any personal questions or you need someone to talk to- do not hesitate to email me (gregodemi@gmail.com). I keep my emails separate from the blog, private.  
 

Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality

Almost a month ago I was emailed by a gentleman struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. He had seen my blog and decided to email me some questions he had regarding homosexuality. After exchanging many emails between one another the gentleman offered to allow me to use our conversation in future posts to aid others who had similar questions as he did. This offer is what led me to the idea for a post: Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality. 

What I have decided on is that I will try answer one question per post. This way I can ensure not to omit any information regarding the question at hand- also it will allow me to include more external references without overloading you with information. I would also like to take this time to invite you to submit any questions you have regarding homosexuality. It is also important that I notify all readers that these answers will be of personal perspective and from personal experience. It therefore cannot necessarily be deemed correct but I can promise to share as much insight on the topic being discussed.

"HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM HOMOSEXUAL?"

So I've decided to start with a question that most gay people start their journeys with. First let me define homosexuality. Homosexuality is sexual attraction to persons of the same sex. Although the definition seems rather simple- knowing whether you are homosexual can be a complicating situation. I express my finding of my sexuality as this: I always knew I was attracted to other men, it is something I can remember from around the ages of 10/11, but I could only label or define it as homosexuality at a later stage of my life. 

You may be reading that and thinking "but how did you know?" I think some people can tell from earlier stages than others whether they are gay, but sometimes we have an issue acknowledging/interpreting this information. It starts with attraction. As a child I could always appreciate the attractiveness of other guys more than with girls. Personally at the time I thought nothing of it- but I knew that there was some attraction present. Through out my adolescence I found myself watching pornographic videos as many other teenagers do. (You will have to excuse my vulgarity) I noticed that I was more sexually drawn to the males anatomy than the females. In actual fact, the comparison was so out of proportion that I could just watch the man. It was then that I began watching gay pornography. Note: I am not suggesting everyone download pornographic videos- I am simply stating my personal experience. 

I would say there is a possibility you are homosexual if you do in fact experience attraction to members of the same sex. The thing about sexuality is that it boils down to preference - tests cannot be conducted to determine your sexuality, it is something you should to determine on your own. If you do believe there is a possibility you are homosexual then it is important you do not allow external factors affect you. Regardless whether it is legal or socially accepted your sexuality is something you cannot change. Do not dismiss your emotions of same-sex attraction simply because you are afraid to associate with being gay. (Note: I am not saying come out- one can identify as gay without having to notify anyone).

It doesn't necessarily mean you are gay because you have feelings for friends of the same sex or because you have had a gay dream- I feel these aren't effective enough indicators. I believe a good indicator is whether you fantasize about members of the same sex. (For example- during masturbation). Men who fantasize about other men during masturbation are more likely to be homosexual than heterosexual. This could be because fantasizing can be directly traced to our desires.   

Another observation I have made is that many people whom experience attraction for members of the same sex usually fear the association with being labeled gay. (Basically they are aware of their attraction but are too conflicted to identify as homosexual)  I actually have addressed this issue in another post "Labels" Are Not My Name . If you find yourself in a similar situation it is important you understand that identifying as gay shouldn't mean you have to live up to a stereotype, also your attraction to members of the same sex isn't ever likely to disappear. Focus on learning to accept your true sexuality rather than trying to dismiss it.   

Final Thought:

"How do I know if I am homosexual?" is a difficult question to answer. I believe the only answer to this question lies within yourself. Do not ask yourself "Do I WANT to be homosexual?", rather approach it more open-minded "Am I sexually attracted to members of the same sex?". When you ask yourself this question think only of the answer. There is no rush to define your sexuality, to identify as gay or straight, so take your time. Remember attraction to members of the same sex is not something you can dismiss or forget about (your sexuality will never leave you).

For more information visit this wiki site (specifically their Tips and Warnings). This might further help you answer your question.

If you have any questions or issues regarding your sexuality email me @ gregodemi@gmail.com.

         

"Labels" are not my name

The famous gay persona group the Village People;  disco novelties

 It was brought to my attention the other day that many closeted youth fear the social stigma in being associated as a homosexual. I often hear friends expressing their fear with being classified as a "poff" or a "fairy"- so I would like to set the record straight for all closeted youth out there.

Often homosexuality is affiliated with effeminate behavior in men and masculine behavior in woman. This is more a generalization than a fact. With the short amount of time that I have been exposed to the gay community I would actually say that- gay men are now associated more with perfect bodies and over emasculating behavior than anything else. Once again- I have made an assumption based on my experiences, it is not to say this is completely true. Regardless whether these stereotypes are authentic or valid- their importance to you should be null and void.

In todays society people are over-conscious with the image they portray. We are constantly in this struggle to fit in. It first occurs when we can not identify with our straight friends' attraction to the opposite sex, furthermore, as a teenager when our bodies change shape and take form. Then- as you come out, there is this undeniable pressure to associate yourself with certain labels. Labels which categorize you- based on your physical appearance and behavior. Therefore, once again, a need to fit in.

This all leads me to my main message. Being gay does not mean you have to enjoy dancing, wear make-up and listen to Lady Gaga. But if that is what you enjoy doing- don't let me, or anyone else, stop you from doing that. It is vital that you know- when you do come out it does not mean you have to live up to a label or a stereotype. Don't fear being gay because you dislike the stereotype associated with it- rather break that stereotype. On the same note, if you enjoy living up to the stereotype- there is nothing wrong with that! You can just be YOU!
 

Found this venn diagram funny

Final Thought:
"Fairy. Queen. Muscular. Fem. Camp. Masculine." Why change yourself for other people? We essentially come out the closet to live a more open and genuine life- not to change who we are. It is our differences that make us unique- not our similarities. Regardless whether you live up to the stereotype or not- you should not fear a life of honesty. Being gay will not change who you are. There is no need to label yourself or associate yourself with anything... Don't let the stereotype scare you back into the closet- it's darker back there anyways! 

Image Source: Google
Should any of these images belong to you and you wish to have them removed- please notify The Righteous Gay immediately. 

Reasons I LOVE Being Gay

Admittedly, the posts this month have not been as effective/ moving as last month's. So today I have decided I would post something fun to read and, perhaps, more entertaining than before. I have composed a list. This list is entitled "Top Ten Reasons I LOVE Being Gay". It's rather self explanatory- but for those who do not follow- allow me to explain. This list is made up of reasons why I enjoy being homosexual... I cannot explain- rather read it! Your list may differ- but here are my reasons(starting from 10 working up to 1):

10.

Appreciation for both sexes. It would go without saying that I find men attractive- but I can also appreciate attractive woman. Many straight men are less fortunate in the sense that even if they believe another man is good-looking- they wouldn't dare admit it. Being gay allows me to say "You're good-looking" to both guys and girls without having to worry what is thought of me.

 

This Armani advert is a great example

9.

Ability to mock gays. I always say "the least gay thing I do- is allow my dog to pick out my shirts." This is just one of many jokes I make regarding my sexuality. It's great being able to joke about my sexuality- it often relieves tension in defensive conversations and can lighten a mood very easily. The reason this is only limited to gays is because if anyone else made these remarks- they might seem homophobic or rude. We, on the other hand, are just being comedic!

8.

Societal Pressure Relief. The term I have given to my 8th reason. "Queue the song Little Boxes by Malvina Reynolds." Societal Pressure Relief refers to no longer having to fit a norm. Being gay means- you no longer have the pressure to find a perfect wife (or for some husband) ,start a family, live in a perfect house and keep up with Jones'. Although- you could still do all above- it is no longer EXPECTED of you.

The "perfect" family

7.

Celebrity support. Ever stopped and thought- Charlize Theron supports my decision to marry someone of the same sex? Or perhaps that the president of America does too? It's so refreshing to know that Josh Hutcherson, the cute guy from The Hunger Games, is campaigning for people such as myself. With names such as: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Drew Barrymore, Colin Farrell, Anne Hathaway and many more supporting gay rights- it's hard to not to boast!

Josh Hutcherson at 2012 GLAAD awards

   

Drew Barrymore for Marriage Equality

6.

Keeping in shape. It might seem contradictory- but being apart of the gay community does keep me in shape. Many gay men are in good physical shape- this just makes me more conscious of leading a healthier lifestyle than before. Although this topic is debatable- I still exercise on a regular basis- which is only beneficial for myself. Hence why it has made its place on this list.

5.

Positive Negativity. I have already mentioned it in a previous post. My 5th reason is Positive Negativity- letting "your hater be your motivator". It's inevitable that you will encounter some malicious people out their who will condemn you for being who you are- this is when you smile in knowing it will only feed your motivation and progression. I have gotten some nasty comments since coming out- they've just helped me grow into a better person!

4.

Meeting new friends. One of the scariest thoughts I had when coming out- was the thought of loosing all my friends. The reality is you probably might loose some friends- but on your journey you will come to realise that many of your friendships have strengthened. In fact friends whom you never thought would cope with the issue could positively surprise you! You will also meet new people and experience new friendships! 

  

3.

Being part of a cause. I love this reason. Majority of you have experienced a history lesson sometime in your life- going back in time and learning about defining moments- such as movements, riots and protests all done for a greater cause. Being gay automatically makes you part of a cause. We all play a part in society- and we all have the ability to change perspectives or even teach and help others about homosexuality. I think it's rather cool- writing history- as we make progression in the world regarding gay rights. 

   

Image taken: Stonewall Riots

2.

Loving who you want. The second reason I love being gay- is because I get to love who I want...Having the choice to love someone genuinely- with no pretense. Being gay means I get to experience my journey through life with another man, whom I love, beside me. This is probably the top of everyone's list...    

 

1.

Being myself. I know it might sound lame- but it is honestly my top reason. Getting to live a life of being honest with my family, and friends. The reason this is more important to me than love- is because I find you have to love yourself before you can love another. By that I mean accepting yourself for who you are... The best reason to be gay- is getting to live life genuinely!

Final Thought:
If you're still closeted and found yourself reading this list- my message to you would be; being gay has its negatives BUT it certainly has its positives too. If being gay was as horrible as many make it out to be- then why do so many still come out and live openly? It's easy to focus on the negatives, rather think of your own list! It needn't be 10 reasons- it could be one strong reason. At the end of the day- you should be conscious of why you came out or plan on doing so. There are so many reasons to love who you are- all you have to do is start looking...

Image Source: Google; Nobody Knows the Last of Me Blog
(Should any of the images belong to you- and you wish to have them removed- please notify The Righteous Gay)


Have a FABULOUS day. (Another great thing about being gay- using words like fabulous!)



 

  

Positive Negativity

 We as humans all share one thing in common. We all have the ability to interpret information the way we choose to. Circumstance may lead you to believe that you're incapable of making an assumption without another persons opinion- this however is false. You're highly capable of it. This leads me to todays post- Positive Negativity. The concept is basic- yet difficult to apply. You decide whether it is applicable in your life.

In todays society almost everything is surrounded with some form of negativity. Homosexuality's biggest negative is homophobia. Majority of you have experienced homophobic remarks and perhaps some of you still do today. This may seem absurd but, what if I told you these remarks could lead you into a happier state of mind? By using certain information the way you choose- it may just be possible. "Let my haters be my motivators" or as I like to call it Positive Negativity.

Everyone has an outlet. Some compose music, play a sport, create art and some even eat. No matter what your outlet be, everyone has room for development or "bettering themselves". Bettering oneself is a difficult process- it demands a lot of time, attention and effort. Something that I find helps the process is the negativity that surrounds me. For instance when training- thinking of homophobic remarks allows me to push myself further. The beauty is that it needn't be just homophobic remarks- it may be anything negative. The aim is to achieve positive growth by motivating yourself with negativity .

With the fight for marriage equality and legalizing homosexuality taking part in certain areas of the world- the gay community will come under lots of scrutiny. These efforts will be met with a lot of animosity, hate and anger by the opposition. It may not affect you directly- but it will affect you nonetheless. During this time it is important we let our voices be heard, whether it is comforting a gay friend, partaking in activism or just saying your part. It is important you do not allow the hostility to get to you. Retaliating with anger is never the appropriate way to approach a situation. Be smart. Use their negativity to your advance. Allow them to fuel your progression.

On a personal note- I experienced a lot of homophobic mentality during high school. Due to me being closeted through out high school- friends were comfortable with my straight persona. This comfort led to many people relaying their thoughts about homosexuality, and their disliking of it, to me. Best friends would make distasteful remarks about gay men around me and I could not retaliate or defend them. I know many of you are experiencing the same as I did. As hurtful as it may be- you need to reassure yourself. Allow these moments of aggravation and hurt to build you up! In fact, these moments could be seen as having the upper hand.

Final Thought:

"God hates fags". "Homosexuality is unnatural". "Gays go to hell". Their intention is to break you down- do not allow them the pleasure. Apply Positive Negativity. The concept is basic and advantageous- should you have the ability to apply it to your situation. It may be difficult to apply but no one ever said it would be easy, however, IT WILL BE WORTH IT IN THE END.

I leave you with a quote from a speech by Nelson Mandela, "There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."

I would also like to express my sadness upon the hearing of Amendment 1 being approved. The fight is not over yet!!!

Image Source: Google(Should any of these photo's belong to you and you wish to have them removed- notify The Righteous Gay)

My Coming Out Story

I thought today I would share my coming out story with all you viewers out there. I find it's always easier to relate to someone when you know more about them- hence why I'd like to share my story. I think it's important we share our coming out stories with one another. It's a difficult process from which we all may learn. Perhaps you might find some tips or want to share your experiences.

I would say my coming out story is rather low-key. During the June/July period of 2011, I spent a lot of time alone. It was the school holidays and despite having many places to go and friends to meet- I really felt I needed some time for myself. Which is exactly what I did. After the holidays had passed- I felt rejuvenated and almost like a new me. Personally I felt more comfortable in my skin. I had spent my time learning more about myself and my emotions. Most importantly I had come to accept who I was and the emotions I felt. (You think you know who you are, but after spending time alone you get to learn so much more about yourself).

As 2011 was coming to an end I had a lot on my mind. I was finishing school and planning my future. One thing was clear to me though- I wanted to start adulthood as an open and honest person. No more secrets. I had decided that I would come out. I did a lot of research on the topic and came across many helpful individuals, whom all helped me grow and reassured me on my decision to come out. What I found so incredible was the fact that I hadn't met these people in person- yet they still influenced and inspired me.

Deciding when to tell my family brought up many questions- to which I needed answers. Luckily for me, I belong to a generation where search engines such as Google can answer questions within seconds. I knew that I wanted to be as comfortable as possible in the situation- therefore I decided I would tell them at home (a place I feel most comfortable). I also wore comfortable clothing- my favorite shirt and shorts. Something I took into consideration was that coming out should be done on day that doesn't belong to someone else. By that I mean a relatives birthday, Christmas or Easter. Coming out on these days might seem selfish or draw from the joyous occasion. I knew, personally, New Years day was a day my family generally spent together but it wasn't as important to the family as Christmas or New Years eve.

When planning on coming out I did not overlook anything. I had a back-up plan in case my parents/family reacted badly. I also made the family lunch on the day. I had told a close friend, one which I knew would respond positively, about my new journey prior to the occasion. This was almost like a trial or practice run before enduring my family's response. (All of this I believe makes you more prepared for a situation such as coming out.)

January 1st 2012. The Big Day

I made my way home after a good evening spent celebrating with my friends (New Years Eve). I had told my family I was going to cook lunch- so I was the only one in the kitchen on the day. I had invited my immediate family over for the lunch. My parents, brother, sister and brother-in-law sat outside enjoying the fine weather whilst I prepared the food. I recall being so stressed about telling the family. Thoughts of delaying coming out ran my mind wild. My sister, whom I share a close relationship with, kept coming into the kitchen asking if everything was alright. She could sense my edginess. I got so anxious minutes before laying the table, I decided to take a walk to calm me down. The walk around 3 blocks felt so quick- probably because of all the thinking I was doing. As I approached my house I remember saying to myself "You're Greg and this is who you are- you cannot lie to them no longer. They love you regardless!" Truth was- I did not know how it would go- no one knows. I entered the house- went to the bathroom and splashed my face with water. By the time I got to the table- the table was set and the food was out. Everyone was taking their seats- I decided to remain standing. (I would advise everyone to try standing when telling others. Sitting is not the best when your anxious- but also you command attention when you're standing). Now- my heart was beating so fast I almost couldn't feel it. My hands were soaked and my throat was tight! And then I said it. "There's something I want to tell you guys- it's a new year and I want you all to know that I'm gay". At first everyone felt I was joking. My father replied "I'm gay too!" But I think as they noticed my change in complexion they realized the situation was not of joking matter. At this point my eyes scattered along the table waiting to see everyones response. Immediately my sister and mother got up to hug me. My father got up too- but then sat down shortly after standing. As my sister and I hugged- we cried- holding each other tighter. I felt emotionally drained,  it was just so overwhelming. After all the commotion we all sat down and enjoyed the quietest meal I have ever had. Everyones minds were obviously buzzing. As I sat there watching everyone eat- I realized how big I had made it out to be, but most importantly how grateful I was to be sitting with my family. Today I was a new person- whether met with compassion or anger I knew it could only get better from here on out.


Final Thought:
Coming out is not something that happens over night. One needs to plan long in advance. Truth is- every situation is unique, and no matter how much advice you get- it won't help unless you apply it to your situation. The most important thing is to ACCEPT YOURSELF FIRST. You need to be strong if the situation turns bad. Research more- learn more and ask more! Once you have come out- your siblings will turn to you with questions to which you have to be prepared to answer. Remember there is no rush. Also you should be considerate of everyone you tell. Although it is difficult to predict the outcome- you can still prepare for the worst. In conclusion- make sure you're doing this for the right reasons- to live life honestly and happily. To be yourself.