5 Steps To Coming Out

Now I know this post is probably going to turn heads simply because everyone's experiences are not exactly one in the same. Therefore I will put this disclaimer above:

Disclaimer: These steps, below mentioned, are of personal opinion. (I speak from personal experience- therefore it is advisable you take into consideration your own situation before applying these steps to your own.)

I have always maintained that coming out is an extremely personal experience, and no one should be forced to do so prior to the time they feel necessary. The issue should be addressed whenever YOU feel it need be. Having mentioned all the above, I have thought up 5 steps to help guide all those still closeted. It's important to bare in mind that these steps could take up anything from one month to 5 years...Ultimately you set the pace- and it should be one you're comfortable with.

STEP 1: SELF ACCEPTANCE
I've said it before in My Coming Out Story : accepting yourself for who you are is pivotal. One needs to feel comfortable within their own skin before they can approach a situation like this. I believe what one should do is strip down what it means to be gay, layer by layer. Redefine the term "homosexual". Everyone is a victim to societal pressure- which has ultimately resulted in us having a preconceived idea of what it means to be homosexual. Throw that image away and reconstruct one from research and personal experience. To do so one can visit sites/blogs that display different sides of homosexuals that one is not exposed to on a regular basis. View the dynamics of a gay family on Gay Family Values or watch how openly gay athletes embrace their sexuality on the FEARLESS Project. Alternatively, one could speak to openly gay people about their experiences, exposure to successful homosexuals will allow you to realize your potential is never affected by your sexuality. Essentially you should become more comfortable with the term 'homosexual' and be able to associate/identify with it, without feeling ashamed or saddened.

STEP 2: RESEARCH/EDUCATE YOURSELF
This step goes hand in hand with the first. As you begin to come to terms with your sexuality it is vital you educate yourself for your own benefit as well as others'. This step is of importance because once you have come out, friends and family will turn to you with questions regarding this new information. Prepare yourself in advance by learning about homosexuality and it's relevance in your community. What does one educate themselves about? About the fundamental issues that relate to being gay, these include:

• Your Rights. (Is it legal to identify as gay within your country/community, Can you marry, What are your rights within the working place, Are you legally allowed to adopt) All these questions should be contemplated prior to the time. 

•  Health Issues. (Sexually Transmitted Diseases are, unfortunately, synonymous with the gay community- learn about them and prevention techniques/methods as well as possible post exposure treatments- such as P.E.P's. There are also many gay sport clubs within certain communities, as well as sites like Outsports and chat sites such as RealJock- which cater to gay men who show interests in sports and gym).  

•  Benefits. (Contradictory to popular belief there are benefits to being openly gay. These vary from country to country. Competitions such as Mr Gay World are open to only gay contestants, also certain colleges/foundations offer bursaries and scholarships to openly gay students such as The Harvey Milk Scholarship. Apart from this, there are many businesses owned by gays that offer special prices to gay clients as well as support fellow gay owned/ gay-friendly businesses- it's a form of self sustainability) 

• Other Aspects. Any other personal aspects that could be affected should also be researched. Perhaps it may relate to security or lifestyle changes, or even regarding relationships and sex life- which ever it may be, make sure it's not left out!

STEP 3: ASK QUESTIONS
I've placed this step alone to highlight the importance of it. Ask QUESTIONS!! It's always great to speak to people who have had first hand experience, and to ask any possible questions you might have. Fortunately there are search engines which allow you to ask questions in the safety of your own home. Yahoo! Answers is a forum that allows people to post questions anonymously which can then be answered by random yet relevant people. (There are many other similar forums too). Alternatively, one could also email someone, such as myself or other bloggers/social figures, with their questions- these people needn't even be in the same country! By asking questions one can ensure more comfort and enlightenment in coming out, ultimately this an opportunity to reassure yourself about the future and what to expect.

STEP 4: PREPARATIONS
Preparing to come out is a step neglected by many. When considering when to come out, one should consider as many aspects as possible, some of these aspects include:

• When You Will Come Out. The date is of great importance, it is one aspect that could aid you in coming out. Remember: The day should be of slight importance to you and preferably not important to the family/people you are telling (I.e - Not Mom or Dad's birthday or a religious holiday if your family is religious). A neutral day is probably most suitable. NOTE: You MUST feel comfortable with the date, it should be done when you are READY!

• Where You Will Come Out. Another aspect that you can play to your advantage is where you choose to tell your family/friends. By deciding on a place prior to the event, you are ultimately contemplating a place for everyone to digest the information you will be telling them. It's probably best to tell people in a more intimate environment if it's the first time. Remember: Social/Busy environments make it difficult for people to genuinely react, it also makes a situation more stressful, however for some these situations might be significantly better. You decide which is best because you know them best. 

• How You Will Come Out. Probably the most contemplated aspect of Coming Out is How it'll be done. Practice what you will say before hand, to best prepare yourself. Remember: You want to come across sincere yet certain. Ultimately, you want to express that this is not a decision, but simply you pursuing a more authentic life, a life of fulfillment. You also want to reassure your family/friends that your intentions are not to break away, but to allow them a greater understanding of yourself. NOTE: You should expect the worst reactions, but hope for the best. This is a personal issue, do not deviate from the point: You are gay, and you want them to know this because they are of importance to you. It's advisable to let them know that you are here for any possible questions that may arise and that you want to help rather than rebel. Keep it as serious as possible and reassert your sureness, NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR BEING GAY!  

• The Small Details. You want to be as prepared as possible for this day so don't overlook the small things. This is usually an emotional situation, one in-which you want to feel as comfortable as possible, so slip on your most comfortable clothes and favorite pair of shoes. Perhaps you could cook a meal, to reassure your commitment to the family. People are usually more susceptible when you've taken them into consideration, so you're more likely to have them respond positively if you've shown effort. Remember: The atmosphere plays on people's emotions too- make the atmosphere as comfortable as possible for both yourself and the recipients. 

• THE BACKUP PLAN. Now you've prepared for the worst. In the case that your family/friends do not respond well- you want a plan to retire to. This could be a place to stay should your parents want you out the house or it could be a fellow LGBT member who has agreed to help you out. Remember: You have to take into consideration what you parents reaction could be, ESPECIALLY if you're solely dependent on them financially. Your backup plan doesn't necessarily have to be permanent, it just has to be reliable. 

 ***COMING OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND PRESENT:***
As appealing as it may sound, in many instances it backfires. People may suggest that your boyfriend/girlfriend has influenced you into being gay (as pathetic and impossible as that sounds), they also may shift the blame/hate/anger onto him/her. Therefore, I would suggest you rather tell them without having your boyfriend/girlfriend present, this doesn't mean they cannot be around to console, comfort and reassure you at a later stage.

STEP 5: COME OUT
The last step of the process, and usually the toughest. Basically you have prepared to the fullest for this, provided you've followed the above steps and that you are certain this is the right time. Remember: There is only so much you can prepare for the unexpected. Coming Out is a turn out of events, a turn out that cannot be precisely predicted. (Hence why one would prepare for the worst). When those words are uttered, the world doesn't change, life doesn't become eccentric and other gay people don't come running in to kiss you- this is simply because sexuality does not define you, nor does it change the world. You may feel relieved or angry, just bare in mind that the emotions are temporary, and as time passes you will become happier with your decision. This is a personal experience that you are sharing with your loved ones, that does not mean they should prevent you from living your life. NOTE: That does not mean rush into things- that will only result in regret. Take things at your own pace, and remember IT GETS BETTER!!

Lastly, I have a brief summary of things you shouldn't do when coming out:

5 things not to do when coming out:

• NEVER OUT SOMEONE ELSE. Regardless whether you've had the opportunity to come to terms or not, you should never "out" someone else without their consent. Coming Out should be kept personal, so there's no need to mention other closeted gay people. 
• Do not belittle other gays, such as stereotypes, when you've come out. By saying you're not like other gays you are simply distracting/deviating from the issue at hand, and it's counterproductive if it's acceptance you seek. Besides, you may even befriend those exact stereotypes later in life (gay men can be so funny!). So be accepting!
• Don't give GAY a negative connotation! When you've just come out you should rather expose your family/friends to the positive aspects as opposed to the negative aspects. You don't want them to associate GAY with being shameful. I'm not implying you should exclude them from the reality of being homosexual- I'm implying you should rather tell them which doors have opened rather than which have closed (because few have closed and more have opened). 
• Don't expect everyone to accept it from the get-go. It will take time for people to come to terms with this. It has taken time for you to accept this- so allow them time and space to do the same. Also DO NOT give up hope, the most homophobic of people have changed in history. 
• As mentioned above, NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR BEING GAY. This is not a decision, nor is it something to be ashamed or apologetic for, be proud of it!

Final Thought:
Read about others coming out stories, educate yourself and open yourself up to a more accepting society. Remember, if it's acceptance you seek, you have to learn to accept first. Being gay is a small game changer, your on a different team but the fields are the same, and so are the rules. Just remember- this is about you, and you set the pace. Nothing should prevent you from living your life genuinely. Being gay doesn't define who you are- but it definitely makes you a stronger person. Now go out there and live your life the way your heart always intended to!

IF YOU WANT TO READ ABOUT MY COMING OUT STORY AND OTHER EXCITING COMING OUT STORIES CHECK OUT RUCOMINGOUT.COM 

(All links have been provided within the passage)

That's so GAY!

We've all heard it before. In all honesty, I am guilty of having used the phrase myself, and for this I am ashamed. Having attended an all boy school- colloquial phrases such as, "That's so gay", became a way of reasserting your "straightness". Or so I thought. Regardless whether the phrase is spoken in jest or with malicious intent, the phrase NEEDS TO STOP BEING SAID! Admittedly, this is not easy to achieve, so in response I have found a way to combat the affects one might feel when a phrase such as this one is said...

What if I told you That's So Gay could be considered a phrase of endearment? I'm not suggesting the community should adopt the phrase as some form of catch phrase, but we could change our perspective on the phrase itself. It's almost like Positive Negativity which I spoke of months back, just put into practice...

Before we begin, let me address/express my views on the phrase: That's So Gay. "That's So Gay" is a poorly coined phrase that I believe, indicates idiocy and the inability to articulate oneself (when using the phrase). Put more simply: It's So LAME. If I could have my way, the phrase would be wiped from this planet and using such a term would result in imprisonment... That's how opposed I am to it being said. I was once as naive as to believe that the term wouldn't harm others and I would only use the phrase in jest, however that was just my way of justifying the use of the phrase. Ultimately by disregarding/neglecting the situation, you make things worse. Fortunately, my perspective changed- and I now oppose the usage of the phrase. But can I change the worlds perspective?

Changing the world's perpective will be a difficult task. I feel that first hand experience would better affect individuals rather than typing a post and hoping the world will read it... Basically; I'm going to have change perceptions through interaction with other people, and so should you. But that is not what today's post is about... 

Today I'm going to be showing you how to counter the hurtfulness this phrase has with some facts that definitely make being gay- the BEST thing ever! It's inevitable that at some point we'll hear the phrase That's So Gay being said in an attempt to devalue or defame something or someone. The term is usually said with a negative connotation, but it should not mean that to you. Gay connotes/implies homosexual (ie attracted to the same gender), but if we're looking beyond it's definitive meaning- being gay can imply greater things too. For example:

• Both Angela Merkel and Hillary Clinton of Forbes' "The World's 100 Most Powerful Woman" list support gay rights. Not only is Merkel and Clinton claimed the most powerful woman in the world, Merkel is ranked 4th on Forbes' "The World's Most Powerful People" list, with Clinton coming in at 16th and Barack Obama being 1st on the list. That's So Gay: Having The WORLD'S most influential figures backing your rights...  

•  Apple Inc. (Makers of the Iphone, Ipod etc) are the largest publicly traded corporation in the world by market capitalization. Not only does the company openly support LGBT rights, but the CEO - Tim Cook, happens to be gay himself. He also is the world's highest paid CEO of 2012. That's So Gay: Being the WORLD'S highest paid CEO of the WORLD'S largest publicly traded corporation...

• Pink Money. This is the term that refers to the purchasing power of the gay community. In 1998 the Worldwide value of pink money was $550 Billion. In 2012, for America alone, the purchasing power is expected to increase to $790 Billion. (In the US gay people are, on average, economically advantaged with 28% of gay households reported to have an income of + $50 000 annually). That's So Gay: Belonging to a community that has so much financial power that companies cater to their needs in order to secure their support...

•  What would this post be without our straight allies? To name a few of the famous and straight celebrities on our side: Brad Pitt (actor), Pink (singer), Drew Barrymore (actress), Madonna (singer), Oprah Winfrey (talk show host), Steven Spielberg (film director), Ben Cohen (rugby player), Adam Levine (singer) and many more. Literally: Anne Hathaway, Colin Farrell, David Pocock (rugby player), Chris Kluwe (Footballer), Beyonce, JayZ, Josh Hutcherson, Jennifer Aniston, Cyndi Lauper, Hillary Duff, Rosario Dawson, Clint Eastwood, Charles Barkley, Kate Winslet, Sean Avery (hockey player), Daniel Radcliffe, Julianne Moore, Miley Cyrus, Sean Penn, Russel Simmons, Natalie Portman, George Clooney, Hudson Taylor (wrestler), Angelina Jolie, Kelly and Sharon Osbourne, Barbra Streisand, Justin Bieber, Joan Rivers, Desmond Tutu and Barack Obama. That's So Gay: Having most of Hollywood and a president support your rights (and your right to marry)...

• Lastly: The Successful Gay People of today's society. Matthew Mitcham (Olympic gold medalist), Ellen Degeneres (Famous Talk show host), Marc Jacobs (fashion designer), Anderson Cooper (News anchor), Wanda Sykes (comedian), Perez Hilton (blogger), Gareth Thomas (rugby player) and Elton John (Famous singer) are all iconic in their fields of work, and in the LGBT community. That's So Gay: Becoming successful in your field of work, and leaving a legacy behind you...

All of these points essentially show how much we are at an advantage by being apart of the gay community...That's So Gay!

Final Thought:

Looking above, it makes it difficult to believe that the phrase could ever be used in a negative sense. Next time you hear someone make this offensive remark- pause, and remember: Being gay is NEVER a bad thing. Revise one of the points above mentioned, and recite it to yourself every time someone makes the remark That's So Gay. It's about time we associate being gay with being advantaged. More importantly: if you're still in school and phrases like these are thrown around regularly: just remember that most of these people are inexperienced and uneducated about the gay community. People's perceptions are likely to change once they mature, I know mine did.  

THIS POST WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE WITHOUT THE AMAZINGLY TALENTED CATHERINE TAIT, WHO NOT ONLY SUPPORTS ME FOR WHO I AM- BUT SUPPORTS THE WHOLE LGBT COMMUNITY AND OUR INDIVIDUALITY. THANK YOU CATHERINE: THE WORLD NEEDS MORE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE SUCH AS YOURSELF!

(click her name to see her blog)

(To Find the references used simply click the links provided in the points)

Oscar Pistorius: The Golden Boy

80 000 cheers makes it impossible to deny that Oscar Pistorius, the South African blade runner, has grown to become a household name and a Paralympic ambassador - but is he more than just an advocate for the handicapped?

With the recent Paralympic Games being held in London - I have been captivated by all these inspiring athletes and their incredible stories, but none more so than Oscar Pistorius. Oscar Pistorius was born November 22, 1986 without a fibula in each of his legs. It was decided that Oscar's legs would be amputated below the knees before he learnt to walk- as this would allow greater receptivity in mobility later on in life, and evidently prove to be his strength rather than his weakness. Oscar initially played rugby, water polo and tennis in Pretoria Boys High School (the highschool I too attended), and it was only after a rugby injury that Oscar began running, for rehabilitation. The rest is, as they say, history... Currently Oscar holds the world record for the T44 400m, and also the T44 4x100m along with his fellow team mates. Oscar is also the ONLY double leg amputee EVER to compete on the Olympic track and make the Olympic final.

So how does this incredible athlete relate to being gay?

After watching the Paralympic games one evening I realized that being handicapped can be likened to being homosexual in many ways. (KEEP READING!) Not only are both handicapped people and homosexuals treated as second hand citizens, but we both have an internal obstacle to overcome. Just as Oscar, and many other disabled athletes had to overcome their impairments, we as homosexuals have to overcome our internalized fear of being who we are. In no way am I trivializing being either handicapped or homosexual - I am just comparing the struggles we both endure, just as our struggles have been compared to many other civil rights movements. This leads me to the relevance of Oscar Pistorius and his story on a blog intending to help gay youth come to terms with their sexuality. Oscar was born without a fibula in each leg and yet it hasn't prevented him from running, let alone walking. Being a double leg amputee, it would go without saying that Oscar has had a great amount of obstacles to overcome, not only physically but mentally too. Yet, here he stands, a handicapped athlete, challenging able bodied athletes at the sport.

Oscar at 2012 Olympic Games

So we're born gay, just as Oscar was born without fibulae, and here we stand confronted with this huge life obstacle we call sexuality, which in many ways scares us just as much as a physical defect. What do we do? We do what Oscar Pistorius has done, we make our weakness our strength. Oscar may be an advocate for The Paralympics, but he represents something far greater! Oscar represents the outcome of dedication, appreciation and passion, all things we as homosexuals need to adopt. Dedicate yourself to making your environment an LGBT friendlier one. Appreciate who you are, and this life you've been given- do so by making the most of every moment. Lastly, what ever you do- do so with passion. Passion is what drives you to obtain the unobtainable and achieve the impossible. Passion will guide you to what you heart desires.



Final Thought:
Regardless whether you agree that homosexuality and being handicapped are similar or not, you cannot deny that Oscar Pistorius has made the most of what he has. You are in no way different to Oscar, and there is nothing you cannot achieve. Oscar looked beyond the ability to walk- just as you should look beyond the obstacle of coming out. Dream big. Dream of an accepting world, living with the person you love and being authentic to yourself. If you can dream it, it's yours for the taking!

Oscar will be running his final race this evening in The London Paralympic games. I wish him all the best in the 400m race. He has definitely reshaped the way I see handicapped people, as well as myself!  

I'd like to show people that if you put the hard work in and you believe in yourself, then you can do whatever you want to. - OSCAR PISTORIUS

Support At The VMA's

Tomorrow is the MTV Video Music Awards, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to share with you some artists that are worth reading about.

Music has been the one constant in my life. We all relate to music in different ways, and regardless whether it's rock, electronic or classical, music has been there for us through out time. Music tells a story and sometimes it just uplifts one's spirit. I know that many of you out there feel as though music may have saved your life, and I think to a certain degree we've all been just as moved. A combination of music and emotion.

Personally, I take more interest in an artist when they're more than just a famous figure with a great voice. When an artist shares their own vulnerability, their pain or even when they show their support- it allows me to greater connect. Today I will be sharing some artists that I feel are prevalent in the support of gay rights.

Although many people would suggest that artists who support human rights do so strategically to obtain more exposure/publicity (and ultimately a bigger fan base), they are also loosing a percentage of support by supporting gay rights. The reason I believe so many artists still show their support for the LGBT community is because it's the right thing to do. When you relate to music- you connect with an artist, and when you know that the artist supports you as a whole, it makes that connection so much more authentic.

Recently, some rather large names have been showing their true colors in support. Both Kanye West and JayZ spoke up for marriage equality when they backed Barack Obama in his announcement of support earlier this year. 50 Cent showed his support in a recent interview when talking about rapper Frank Ocean's sudden coming out. Adam Levine and Madonna (who both have a gay brother) are constantly standing up for the community as are divas; Cher, Kylie Minogue, Lady Gaga, Cindy Lauper, Alanis Morissette, Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey, Beyonce and Christina Aguilera. The support is endless, Lily Allen sings it in her song Fuck You, and Carly Rae Jepsen shows it in the recent hit, Call Me Maybe, music video . And if that wasn't enough, pop icons Miley Cyrus and Pink also share their support for the community too; with Miley getting inked in support of marriage equality and Pink having a gay wedding in her Raise Your Glass music video.

Miley's Marriage Equality Tattoo

Adam Levine and his brother Michael

Recently openly gay rapper Frank Ocean

Here I sit in the unfortunate position of not being able to share all these artists stories of support with you, simply because there is far too many. With some of the biggest names in the music industry mentioned it's hard to believe we still need support. And that's just the straight allies (as I like to call them). Lady Gaga, Sam Sparro, Ricky Martin, Elton John, Tracy Chapman, Mika, Adam Lambert, George Michael, Frank Ocean, Chris Willis, Michael Stipe (Lead singer of R.E.M), Kere Okereke (Lead singer of Bloc Party), Will Young, Lance Bass, Boy George, Freddy Mercury and all the boys of the group The Scissor Sisters are just some gay, lesbian and bisexual artists to date.When I look at this list I can't help but notice how many of these artists are SO INCREDIBLE at what they do and respectfully so.

Singer/Song-writer Sam Sparro

Bloc Party lead singer Kere Okereke

Final Thought:
After reading this star-filled blog post I want you to be left feeling in awe. Awe, because of the star power that backs the gay community and most importantly you. None of these artists are defined by their sexuality- and neither should you be. Their music, from which we gain pleasure and fulfillment is just a by-product of their amazing characters. You hear them on the radio, you play them on your ipod- and now you have them on your side.  As the late Freddy Mercury once sang, "open your eyes, look up to the skies and see."

If you're looking to find out other gay artists check out this Top 50 Gay Artist Post. Also- check out video of the week to see Mika speak out about love before performing a song OR watch Mariah Carey and Kylie Minogue's gay fans purpose on stage during their concerts. Alternatively you could watch the Carly Rae Jepsen and Pink music videos below.

I apologize if I have left any artists out, in all honesty there are far too many stories and people to share in this instance.

This is for you

Recently there has been letters from fathers to their sons that have been making their rounds on the Twittersphere and other social networking sites. The initial letter that sparked all of this was a letter James (a gay individual) received from his father, in which his father expressed that he had decided to disown James as a son (and as a result disassociate himself from James). This letter sparked 2 other letters, one from a heterosexual father to his hypothetically gay son and the other from a gay father to his two adoptive sons. It should be rather indicative that a letter would be appropriate for today's post. So here goes:

To All My Viewers

The recent letters that fathers have written to their sons has inspired me to leave a message to you to show my admiration for you in a more personal capacity. Coming to terms with your sexuality is a difficult process, and seldom are you ever congratulated for the courage, patience and perseverance you put in. Well this is my congratulations to you.

I realize life may seem tough at the moment. Looking around there's constant battles. Battles regarding the position homosexuals occupy in modern day society, whether it's marriage equality, adoption rights or even decriminalizing homosexuality. Living in a conservative community myself, I know that being authentic to oneself is much easier said than done, but isn't impossible. Personally, I have contemplated thoughts of suicide, running away and leaving everything I have behind. At that time, anything seemed better than confronting my sexuality and the attraction to members of the same sex. I had spent countless nights crying myself to sleep as thoughts of inadequacy filled my head; never getting to fulfill the role I believed I was meant to fulfill. Then came my shame. My shame in feeling the emotions I felt. I tried to suppress the thoughts and to dismiss the truth- but it all caught up with me eventually.

In pursuing this journey you may find yourself back at the starting line in many aspects of your life, but you'll find yourself at the beginning with other people just as yourself. These are the people who have cried at night with you- who felt just as alone as you did- who were ready to leave, yet here you stand, united. It's all trial and error, and you needn't feel ashamed of the mistakes you've made. Never think you're worthless or inadequate, regardless of what other peoples opinions are. I promise you a day will come, where you will look back and be thankful for the choice you made. The hurt and anger you feel now will dissipate as you begin to live your life the way your heart intended to live it. 

Finally, I want you to know that you are never alone. There's one person you can always rely on, and that person is you. As cliche` as it may sound, Mariah Carey says it best, "So when you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong, and you'll finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you." It's important you always remember that- THAT A HERO LIES IN YOU.

I wish you all the best on your journeys

Yours  sincerely- Greg 

Final Thought:
The letter may seem irrelevant to many of you yet to some it might speak great volumes. My intention was to let you know that all these emotions you might be experiencing are not irregular. Regardless your age, gender, race and religion- coming out is an emotional experience. So if you too sit up at night and cry till your tear ducts can't anymore, if you constantly thinking about how inadequate you think you are , even if you read this letter and wished you weren't gay- this is for you... No one said it would be easy- they said it'd be worth it. AND IT WILL BE!



If you have any personal questions or you need someone to talk to- do not hesitate to email me (gregodemi@gmail.com). I keep my emails separate from the blog, private.  
 

Brand Support

A new post is well overdue. Admittedly I have been so preoccupied with the Olympics- that much of my life has been put on pause- but not my blog! If any of you were hoping I would do a post regarding the Olympic games- I have already covered it in a previous post entitled Sport GAYmes. You can also see who the 22 openly gay Olympians participating in this years Olympic games are by clicking this Outsports link.

Apart from the Olympic Games covering the front pages of the news recently; there has also been a lot of gay-related news. One particular story that I noticed was the American fast-food company Chick-fill-A's stance on homosexuality. Appalled at what company president Dan Cathy had to say about the gays- and the battle that has pursued- I decided that I would use this time to share brands known world-wide that SUPPORT HOMOSEXUALITY AND EQUALITY (the true pioneers of anti-discrimination).

The new face of homophobia, Chick-fill-a's president, Dan Cathy

Many of you may be familiar with Google. Google has largely become the encyclopedia to many questions we encounter on day-to-day occasions. For those unaware of Google (you need to step out of your cave), Google  is a multinational corporation, and is famously known for their web search engine Google search. Google launched their new Legalize Love campaign earlier in July this year. Their aim is to support members of the LGBT community, focusing specifically on places with homophobic cultures. Google are continuously showing their support for equality and the community. Below is a video released on Valentines Day this year by Google and its employees:

Another company that supports gay rights has been around for quite some time (since 1853)- Levis. Not only was Levi's the creator of blue jeans- but they also created what is known as the White Knot. The White Knot, depicted below, is Levis appeal to the people to make their support for marriage equality and equal rights visible. Anne Hathaway, Brokeback Mountain and recent Batman star, was seen wearing a white knot at President Obama's inauguration- to show her support for marriage equality. (Anne's brother, Thomas Hathaway is a member of our community-gay). Levis also has various other t-shirts prints for the LGBT community- one being two woman just married.

Left: Levi Display Mannequin wearing a White Knot. Right: Anne Hathaway wears a White Knot in public. 

One company that wasn't initially met with open arms, when showing their support for the LGBT community, was Electronic Arts, Inc. (EA Games). Many of you may know EA Games for the games they've released, with titles including: Need for Speed, The Sims, Fifa and the Harry Potter series. One game in particular included the option of a gay romance in the plot- Mass Effect 3. Many anti-gay organizations were angered by this decision, but EA Games' vice president of corporate communications Jeff Brown defended their decision claiming, "...In short, we do put options for same-sex relationships in our games; we don't tolerate hate speech on our forums." Now gamers world-wide can utilize the option of playing games and being gay. (Below is a short scene from Mass Effect 3 with gay characters- probably an age restriction of 16)

Staying on the topic of fictional characters; Marvel- the comic book company that has published characters such as; Spiderman, Thor, X-Men, Hulk and Iron Man are also supporters of the LGBT community. Gay character Northstar, who revealed he is gay back in 1992, proposed to his longtime partner Kyle Jinadu earlier in May this year. Following in theme- Archie comics, whom introduced its first gay character in September last year, also had wedding bells ringing this year when Kevin Keller married African-American Doctor Clay Walker. And if that wasn't enough- DC Comics, another comic company founded in 1934, has also recently revealed that their superhero- Green Lantern is gay- thus making 2012 a great year for gay superhero's and characters!

Marvel's Northstar and Kyle Jinadu wed...

Archie characters newly-weds: Kyle Keller and Clay Walker

DC-Comic's openly gay Green Lantern

Among the many other brands: Amazon, the worlds largest online retailer, pledged $2.5 million to help pass a referendum on same-sex marriage in Washington State. Microsoft, the world's largest software makers, was one of the first companies to offer employee benefits to same-sex domestic partners- they also have a resource group called Gleam for LGBT employees and have also donated money towards marriage equality campaigns. Those not yet mentioned; Apple, Walt Disney Co, Starbucks and many other companies (some displayed below) are also among these supporters of LGBT rights and marriage equality.   

KFC sign in light of the recent issues with Chick-fill-a

Iconic Armani advert

Oreo showing their colors/support for gay pride

Absolut Vodka pride edition bottle in celebration of the 30th anniversary of the gay pride flag

Clothing brand GAP advert

Final Thought:
Many of the brands mentioned above are household brand names. Most of them are the leading brands in their fields- and the reason they support equal rights and gay rights is simply because it is the right thing to do. In today's society- publicity is enormously important, and no one wants to associate with companies that have prejudice and discriminant views. The irony is that majority of the homophobic people in the world- use LGBT supportive brands on a daily basis and although one company speaks out about it's anti-gay/homophobic views- another 10 come out in support of the LGBT community. Have a look at these brands- and remember to show your support in return (they've all been here awhile anyways).

Mandela Day

It's one of the worlds' most iconic hero's birthday today. Nelson Mandela. For the very few of you that do not know Mandela, you can read up about him in this bio on wikipedia. Nelson Mandela is a man I am largely inspired by (if you do not believe me- look to the top right hand corner and you will find a quote by him). Not only was he an anti-apartheid activist, but he also fought for equality. Equality in it's true form- meaning no exclusions of the minorities.

On a day such as today, which was declared International Mandela Day by the United Nations in 2009, I think it is important we recognize the struggles some endure for the greater good, just as Mandela did. Also it is important we share our support for those who are still in the fight today. There are still many countries where equality is a distant dream- where woman, gays and transgenders still do not have rights. For the people of these countries- freedom and equality aren't as prevalent, and it is important we show our support- even if it is words of reassurance or signing your name to a petition. And although today is a day of celebration we need to look back and acknowledge why we are where we are today, and show our appreciation.


In the image depicted above the words "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." are written. I often think that homophobic people fear us due to their lack of understanding. We essentially become teachers when we come out, which leads me to another quote of Mandela...

"If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy." If we ever expect homophobic people to learn about and understand us- we have to help them understand/learn. Although this may seem "easier said than done" it does not mean it is impossible. I remind you of Mary Griffith, a homophobic mother, who began to learn more about homosexuality after her gay sons death. It may be difficult but it is not impossible.


Final Thought:

Nelson Mandela fought for freedom in a country were many had given up on it. Often, it may feel as though your'e alone, but it's only when you stand up that you begin to see the others who are there with you. 18th of July is not only Mandela's birthday- it is a day to inspire others to stand up and fight for equality. It is important we do not accept defeat- rather get involved. Remember " There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you." (-Nelson Mandela)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADIBA! 

All images were taken from Google- should any belong to you and you wish to have them removed please notify The Righteous Gay immediately.

Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality

Almost a month ago I was emailed by a gentleman struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. He had seen my blog and decided to email me some questions he had regarding homosexuality. After exchanging many emails between one another the gentleman offered to allow me to use our conversation in future posts to aid others who had similar questions as he did. This offer is what led me to the idea for a post: Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality. 

What I have decided on is that I will try answer one question per post. This way I can ensure not to omit any information regarding the question at hand- also it will allow me to include more external references without overloading you with information. I would also like to take this time to invite you to submit any questions you have regarding homosexuality. It is also important that I notify all readers that these answers will be of personal perspective and from personal experience. It therefore cannot necessarily be deemed correct but I can promise to share as much insight on the topic being discussed.

"HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM HOMOSEXUAL?"

So I've decided to start with a question that most gay people start their journeys with. First let me define homosexuality. Homosexuality is sexual attraction to persons of the same sex. Although the definition seems rather simple- knowing whether you are homosexual can be a complicating situation. I express my finding of my sexuality as this: I always knew I was attracted to other men, it is something I can remember from around the ages of 10/11, but I could only label or define it as homosexuality at a later stage of my life. 

You may be reading that and thinking "but how did you know?" I think some people can tell from earlier stages than others whether they are gay, but sometimes we have an issue acknowledging/interpreting this information. It starts with attraction. As a child I could always appreciate the attractiveness of other guys more than with girls. Personally at the time I thought nothing of it- but I knew that there was some attraction present. Through out my adolescence I found myself watching pornographic videos as many other teenagers do. (You will have to excuse my vulgarity) I noticed that I was more sexually drawn to the males anatomy than the females. In actual fact, the comparison was so out of proportion that I could just watch the man. It was then that I began watching gay pornography. Note: I am not suggesting everyone download pornographic videos- I am simply stating my personal experience. 

I would say there is a possibility you are homosexual if you do in fact experience attraction to members of the same sex. The thing about sexuality is that it boils down to preference - tests cannot be conducted to determine your sexuality, it is something you should to determine on your own. If you do believe there is a possibility you are homosexual then it is important you do not allow external factors affect you. Regardless whether it is legal or socially accepted your sexuality is something you cannot change. Do not dismiss your emotions of same-sex attraction simply because you are afraid to associate with being gay. (Note: I am not saying come out- one can identify as gay without having to notify anyone).

It doesn't necessarily mean you are gay because you have feelings for friends of the same sex or because you have had a gay dream- I feel these aren't effective enough indicators. I believe a good indicator is whether you fantasize about members of the same sex. (For example- during masturbation). Men who fantasize about other men during masturbation are more likely to be homosexual than heterosexual. This could be because fantasizing can be directly traced to our desires.   

Another observation I have made is that many people whom experience attraction for members of the same sex usually fear the association with being labeled gay. (Basically they are aware of their attraction but are too conflicted to identify as homosexual)  I actually have addressed this issue in another post "Labels" Are Not My Name . If you find yourself in a similar situation it is important you understand that identifying as gay shouldn't mean you have to live up to a stereotype, also your attraction to members of the same sex isn't ever likely to disappear. Focus on learning to accept your true sexuality rather than trying to dismiss it.   

Final Thought:

"How do I know if I am homosexual?" is a difficult question to answer. I believe the only answer to this question lies within yourself. Do not ask yourself "Do I WANT to be homosexual?", rather approach it more open-minded "Am I sexually attracted to members of the same sex?". When you ask yourself this question think only of the answer. There is no rush to define your sexuality, to identify as gay or straight, so take your time. Remember attraction to members of the same sex is not something you can dismiss or forget about (your sexuality will never leave you).

For more information visit this wiki site (specifically their Tips and Warnings). This might further help you answer your question.

If you have any questions or issues regarding your sexuality email me @ gregodemi@gmail.com.

         

Gays Ontop

The idea for today's post came to me whilst watching The Graham Norton show. I realized that my two favorite talk show hosts were both gay. One being Graham Norton, obviously, and the other being Ellen Degeneres! After that I thought to myself; not many talk shows are as successful (and funny) as Ellen's and Graham's shows. So I decided to investigate...

I've already mentioned how important it is that we expose our youth to successful gay role models  in a previous post entitled The Gay 5. It is vital to have some form of guidance when growing up - but it's even more important to realize what we as people are capable of, regardless of our sexuality! The youth are constantly being told "It gets better"- and that is true, but we should also be saying "Don't stop dreaming". Being gay does not disable you from achieving success.


Although there are hundreds of icons worth mentioning, especially within the field of arts (directing, acting and so on), I want to try expose the audience to different openly gay figures out there. Bare in mind that many successful businessmen/women do not disclose their sexuality to the public- so there are probably hundreds more than actually documented. Let me begin with the sportsman previously mentioned in Sport GAYmes - Matthew Mitcham.

Matthew Mitcham is the best sports figure to mention in this post. Mitcham is the 2008 Olympic champion in the 10m platform(diving). Not only is he the only Australian diver to do so since 1924, but he also received the highest single-dive score in OLYMPIC history. If that doesn't set him above the rest- I don't know what could! Mitcham proves that being a successful sportsman has nothing to do with sexuality.

Matthew Mitcham says, "I DO" for marriage equality (Australia)

All of you should be familiar with the fashion brand Louis Vuitton (LV). It's relevance? Marc Jacobs! Jacobs has been the creative director of the French design house (LV) since 1997, and is the head designer of Marc Jacobs. He was part of Times' 2010 "100 Most Influential People in the World" list and also ranked 12th on Out Magazines 2012 "50 Most Powerful Gay Men and Women in America" list. Good at what he does is an understatement- Marc is a designing mogul!

Marc Jacobs

  
Besides fashion there are also gays in charge in the corporate world. Ever heard of Apple products? Of coarse you have! Most of you probably own an iphone, imac or ipod. Whether you own all of these products or none- you would be glad to know that the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook, is a gay man. That means that Cook is in charge of the worlds most valuable company! Not only is Cook the top of Out Magazines 2012 "50 Most Powerful Gay Men and Women in America" list- he is also the highest paid CEO in the WORLD.

Tim Cook in front of a LGBT Apple Logo

Moving onto other news, Anderson Cooper has recently publicly announced he's gay. (Hope you noticed what I did there!) Anderson Cooper is the primary anchor of the CNN's Anderson Cooper 360° show. Not only does he have his own show- but Cooper has won numerous awards for his reporting including Emmy Awards and the National Order of Honour and Merit award for his reporting on the 2010 Haiti earthquake.

Anderson Cooper

Besides those mentioned above- there are still many other successful gays in today's society! The reason so many gay men and women are as successful as they are is simply due to the fact that their sexuality does not incapacitate them from achieving success. Bayard Rustin (Civil Rights activist), Perez Hilton (blogger), SIR Elton John (musician), Wanda Sykes (comedian), Lady Gaga (musician) and Walt Disney Studios chairman- Rich Ross are only some of the names among many that are successful in their field of work.

Above Left: Bayard Rustin. Above Right: Perez Hilton. Above: Wanda Sykes.

Final Thought:
Your sexuality does not define you as a person- so why should it determine you success? It is essential you know that identifying as gay does not limit your capabilities in any way. Do not allow others opinions to prevent you from achieving what it is you wish to achieve. Remember- success does not imply wealthy and famous. Success is accomplishing something you aim to do. More importantly stay ambitious and keep dreaming...

"Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from" - Jody Foster    

SHOULD ANY OF THESE IMAGES BELONG TO YOU- AND YOU WISH TO HAVE THEM REMOVED- PLEASE NOTIFY THE RIGHTEOUS GAY IMMEDIATELY!

Note: Click to view external links at own risk- The Righteous Gay will not be held accountable.

That's all for today folks!

                                                                                      ...lol                     

Gay to Stay

Alright- I know it has been a while. My computer was in computer hospital and I have been working on a post that is still incomplete. Ultimately I have decided to share a more shorter post that admittedly is not entirely my own... My aim is to expose the audience to what is and has always been here before. Gay love.

The inspiration behind my post today was found in another blog entitled Finding Myself. I stumbled across this blog upon Googling "Vintage Gay Couple Photos" which I'd advise you to do sometime when you are bored! What surprised me the most was that there were more photos than I had expected of gay couples. I understand many gay men and women have walked this land before I- but I did not expect it to be as documented!

One thing that has stood the test of time is love. Whether it be in a different time, place or manner - we all love. Another quality that sets love above the rest is that it does not discriminate against age, gender, race, religion or appearance. It can be found in the most unexpected places...

Why discuss love on a blog that aims to help people come to terms with their sexuality? It's simple really. Love is something everyone can look forward too. Regardless your sexuality- love is an emotion everyone can experience. What better than to expose my audience to a love similar to theirs? Allow me to take you back in time- where a love like yours too existed... Although it was tougher to live openly in those days, these couples did not deny themselves the opportunity to find REAL love. Here are some photos from back in time:

England: 1875

New York: 1900

Europe: 1906

England: Between 1914 - 1918

Above is a WWI couple.

Unknown: 1925

Hollow Falls, Virginia: Late 1920's

Above is the first gay couple allowed legal rights to adopt children.

Berlin, Germany: 1930

London, England: 1932

Long Island, New York: 1941

America: Mid 1940's

London, England : 1945

Above picture was taken at "VJ" Day- known as the day that Japan surrendered to the Allies at the end of WWII.

New England: 1948

Lesbian Couple!! Unknown: 1950's

Caldwell, Idaho: 1955

Final thought:

Although it may seem like homosexuality is a new concept to modern society, it is not. Homosexuality dates centuries back, further than the first photo in this post! It will take a considerable amount of years before society is more accepting of homosexuality- but this should not stop you from finding true love... I cannot begin to imagine the scrutiny these couples have endured- yet all of that seems meaningless when I look at these photos. Love is an emotion that has stood the test of time- it is stronger than all else. To find a love so genuine, so real is more validating and liberating than having to live a life of lies and deception. Never deny yourself the opportunity to find true love...   

** Check out more photos at Finding Myself and GAYTWOGETHER **

Important Notice: Should any of these photos belong to you and you wish to have them removed- please notify The Righteous Gay immediately!